Taking Time

I am primarily a doer. I like to take care of myself. I like to care for my family. But these past few
weeks, months really, have been flying by with not a lot of doing. Being hugely pregnant most of the summer limited me. Forced me to sit more than stand. To drive when I wanted to walk. To take help. And I gained something lovely: the ability to just take the time.

We had a scare at 36 weeks. I had contractions and we headed into the hospital. I had a c-section scheduled for 2 weeks later because of past issues, but we were so not ready to have the baby that night. It made me pause and reassess. To acknowledge that nothing I was doing around the house was more important than just sitting, resting, and letting that baby grow.

And then Jackson was born. No crises, no emergencies.

Me with Jackson

I can't even begin to share the magic of being able to just welcome our son. To be able to walk into the operating room. To be awake and aware when he was born. To be able to snuggle him. To witness his sisters meeting him. To come home and just continue to sit. To have it be sunny and light and peaceful. To just be able to look at his face and fall in love. It was beautiful. A new story for us. A beautiful chapter.

I wanted to bottle those days up before the busyness of life started up again.

As the weeks pass, I've learned that sitting on the back porch rubbing my baby's peach fuzz head, this is peace. Deciding to sway a few extra moments because he's sad is time well spent. I can sit with him on my lap every evening, looking in his eyes and smiling. Noticing how the cute pjs he fit in last week are now making a sausage shaped boy: such a blessing.

Take time. Absorb the season you are in. Dwell in moments. It can be so obvious when they are young, but it's happening even as they grow. Look at your children. Do you really see them? See who they are and who they are becoming?

With Luke's gut wrenching post yesterday, this, which I'd written up Sunday night still excited and joyful at getting to know Luke and Brittany’s new little one, is such a stark contrast. But the idea of taking time is equally important in seasons of grief. Take time to pause. To acknowledge the loss, be it a life, a sickness, or even a loss of freedom. In our spin-as- fast-as-you-can world, sit. Let it sink in and allow Christ to meet you there and begin the healing work.

Look. See. Talk. Be present in the moment. Take some time. Sometimes, life is hard. And sometimes, life is beautiful.

Until next time,

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We Were Pregnant

As she sobs into my chest, my arm around her, I remember the first time I thought about being there for my pregnant wife. I must have been around 12 years old. I had recently learned about how crazy, painful, and plain ridiculous the birthing process is. And I realized, in that moment, that I would have a hard time being in the room while my wife gave birth; to see her go through that pain and be able to do nothing ... that'd be terrible. I knew then, as I know now, that I'm too much of a "fixer" for that. I need to be able to help. But when it comes to bringing that kid into the world, I'd be powerless.

Fast forward a couple decades to last night.

My wife is pregnant for the second -- probably third -- time. One miscarried a few years ago at eight weeks in a horrifyingly bloody mess. It traumatized my wife but she managed to stuff that pain way, way, way down. But then, as eight weeks approached for this pregnancy, she couldn't hold it together anymore. She'd cry and couldn't sleep. She'd contain herself while friends and family were around and then melt down the moment we were alone. She was terrified it'd happen again. And so we had kept the news a secret, lest by telling others we'd jinx it (one of my wife's biggest shadow fears/beliefs).

Ten weeks.

Then someone shared the article I'm Pregnant. So Why Can't I Tell You?

I read it.

Then I sent it to my wife with the subject line: Read

She did.

And, after a few frightened hours of discussion, we started to spread the news. My little brother already knew (he's staying with us and has been an awesome support for Brittany through all of this). My little sister. Brittany's sister. Brittany's mom. My parents. A few people from church. Another friend. My older sister.

All were thrilled, elated, ecstatic.

Tiny Footprints

Then, about 8pm last night, the spotting started. At first faint and dark. Then more regular and red.

That's when I found myself holding my pregnant wife as the world collapsed around her. And I could do nothing to help bring this baby safely into the world. That was hard -- way, way, way harder than what my wild preteen imagination could construct. I was powerless, helpless, and my wife was in emotional distress.

Somewhere between 1:30 and 3am it was over.

We'd lost our second child (probably our third).

Two hours later I got up to go to work.


Lunch, two hours ago.

My wife came down to visit since I'm in meetings this afternoon. She's doing well. Exhausted after the last few nights of little sleep, but the grace of God and the peace of Christ is carrying her through all of this. The midwife we had selected "just happened" to be in the area and could stop by and pray with her. One of our friends came over and just hung out with her. People have been supportive and she is sensing God doing something in the background.

"This is a new beginning of something," she tells me. "I don't know what, but God's doing something."

That He is.

But what, we don't know. I'm discovering this as I keep walking into ever more crazy situations where I am powerless to do anything and must rely on the goodness of God and the redemption of Christ to make stuff happen. And since His mercies are new every morning, I'm not at all surprised that He's doing new things in us as well.

How am I? I don't know. But we're hanging in there and hanging on for the ride.

Your prayers are most welcome.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Pseudo-Dad

P.S. Fitting, I suppose, that this is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. If you haven't been keeping up with my Other Posts of Note, you can read two relevant posts here and here. And if you didn't take the time to read I'm Pregnant. So Why Can't I Tell You?, I suggest you do.

P.P.S. If you're wondering why I kept referring to our "probable third" miscarriage, we think that there was another one that initially appeared to be a "heavy flow" month but was probably another early miscarriage.

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An International Trend You Already Enjoy

Sonlight families are on top of an international trend, and we may not even know it!

Have you seen articles online that ask people to look up from their electronic gadgets once in a while? I know I have. Many new studies talk about the risks of the ubiquitous distractions in daily life – higher stress, difficulty focusing, and decreased productivity.

One common antidote is to practice focusing on just one thing. Then I read about the new Slow-Reading Movement. In various forms, this popular trend calls us to focus on a book by reading for at least 30 minutes each day. It asks us to stop just skimming and really read. Looks like Sonlight might be just what the doctor ordered.

The Wall Street Journal reports that groups from California to New Zealand have cropped up to help adults read more frequently. These Slow-Reading Groups meet regularly to provide a quiet, communal place to get lost in a book. Club members turn off all their electronic devices and sit together in silence while they all read. They talk of the joy of becoming absorbed in the story, among many other benefits.

A Sonlight family reading together
Sonlight mom Esther L meets with her "Slow-Reading Group" ... in other words, she enjoys a story with her children during a typical homeschool day.

Maybe I should write to The Wall Street Journal and tell them that we have our own slow-reading groups. They're called Sonlight families! Every day, around the world, Sonlight families sit down together and read. Through Read-Alouds and silent reading, we sink into real stories. Rather than just skimming online articles, we let ourselves become absorbed in the characters and plot. For this special time every day we turn off the TV, close our computers and enjoy the pleasure of real books.

As if that joy isn't enough, I just saw a study that suggests reading for just six minutes can reduce stress by 68%! Remember this next time you have a frazzled day with the kids at home. Sitting down to read together can really help you regroup.

So let's carry on, Sonlighters! We don't need a fancy club to reap the benefits of reading. With Sonlight, we get to pause and enjoy a good story every day we homeschool.


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When You Really Are All Alone

Her eyes are dry as she talks to me, her tears bored with their constant repetition. "I'm alone," she tells me. "I have no friends. My family is far away." She's also recently started school, the responsibility an unfamiliar weight. "Life's hard."

I pray with her. There's little more I can do. I ask that God bring her friends and encouragement. But the bosom buddy, the kindred spirit, the friend closer than family ... that person doesn't show. I lose touch with her while she walks the college life alone.

Then, a month ago, she appears, smiling, joking, telling both me and her husband that we introverts really can make new friends. "If you don't know what to talk about, ask about their dog," she suggests. Her husband gladly tells me about their new pet before they move off, arm in arm. And I'm left there, alone, wondering what happened. How did she get from there to here?

All Alone

I don't know that story. Wish I did. I feel like I'd have more to share with you.

My lonely years weren't that lonely. My abandonment issues were with God, not people. I have some empathy for those who experience isolation and the fatigue of carrying themselves day in and day out. But that utter loneliness, the experience of being truly alone? ...that I've never had.

Then Bethany wrote a post about being a control freak that spoke much more, to me, about the experience of being really alone. More than that, I think the post is about the experience of being completely alone as a new mother. And if I've read other blog posts correctly over the years, I don't think she's alone in that experience.

Here's the thing that's got me thinking: Bethany doesn't share the story of how she got from there to here. Wish she did. I feel like there'd be something super useful to share with you in that.

Instead, she glosses over those years of her life. She sums them up as years of "prayer, reflection, and conversations with good friends." I want the specifics because I have this nagging thought that there'd be a pattern in them, a secret, the secret to not being isolated, or -- at the very least -- how to survive the lonely days and nights and hours.

My guess is that the reason we don't know these stories and get to peek behind the curtain and find the nugget of truth is simple. The story is boring. The "secret" is common knowledge. The answer is simple, but painful: When you really are alone, you're not.

The Lord's sufficient grace is there.

'So what?' my inner trust issues ask. 'Grace isn't a real person, a hug, encouragement. It's not something that gets the laundry done or deals with your child's temper tantrum.'

You know what? I almost believe that guy. It certainly feels true.

But grace is embodied in a Person. And while it may be long spans between hugs, His Body is pretty good at giving them, at least at my church. And by His grace, I find myself encouraged by strangers and "e-maginary friends" on the internet.

Being alone isn't easy. But the story, if I had to guess, is one of slowly learning to draw closer to Christ. Bethany says it this way in her post:

I don't need to be in control. I just need to stay close to the One who is. I can't possibly plan around what He will send each day, but I can choose to accept it, humble, broken, and open-handed.

If you're feeling alone on your journey -- be it as a mother, homeschooler, or otherwise -- stay the course. What you are doing matters. What you are sacrificing is worth it. What you are losing is nothing compared to what you are gaining. And as you let "good enough" be good enough, you'll certainly learn how to do things better. And even if you are really all alone, you're not alone. If nothing else, there is a community here on this blog, on Facebook, on the Forums. And there are homeschool Advisors ready to answer your questions, weigh your options, and pray with you.

If you've come through a time of being utterly alone, do you have any wisdom or encouragement to share? I'd love to hear your story!

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Pseudo-Dad

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"But Why, Mom?" The Value of Communicating Values

Stark hair and makeup frame her pretty face. Metal protrudes from her ears and nose, lips, tongue. Regularly added tattoos cover her skin. And yet her beauty is still there, vibrant and loud, like her laugh which rasps -- marbles when you roll them down a bumpy Lego ramp. She's active on social media, regularly posting selfies titled "meh" or "so bored!" or "bewbs!!!" when the photo predominantly features her cleavage (which is, like, all the time). And she's recently taken up a new cause, passionately campaigning against slut shaming. Her posts of late include women covered by nothing more than small signs that say, "I have morals!"

Another girl I've known since she first attended church camp, posted a picture of her posing, arms up, back to the camera, with the caption, "She is clothed with strength and dignity" (Proverbs 31:25). She certainly wasn't clothed with anything else. The comments ranged from philosophical statements about humans pre-Fall to one guy who suggested she "turn around."

Before I go any further, I need to say this: These girls are on to something.

They correctly recognize a twist in our message. As Warren Baldwin shared, we who have been in the church a while want people to live up to "the challenges of the Christian life" and so fail to offer compassion, community and hope. They don't see the love of Christ in the modesty movement and so are pushing back against something they don't really comprehend.

Worse, we have suggested that the reason girls should cover themselves is for the sake of the guys around them; "Don't cause your brother to stumble!" This teaches boys that they are not responsible for their actions -- "she caused me to stumble" -- and it teaches girls that it's their fault if someone leers at them ... or worse. The "she's asking for it" mentality is a horrifying direct product of this kind of thinking.

It needs to stop.

As one rape victim once told me through tears, "No one is asking for that!"

I like how Jonelle put it in her post Modesty as Respect: When you respect yourself and your setting, you will not be immodest.

The value behind modesty, the reason why we put clothes on and don't make inappropriate comments, is respect (love, concern) for others and ourselves before God who loves us.

But... why?

Kids regularly ask, "Why?" As parents, we can quickly become overrun by the reduction to ever more basic elements. "Why?" Because choking your brother is not nice. "Why?" Because it hurts him. "Why?" Because our bodies have mechanisms in place to help protect us against situations which could be detrimental to us, such as in the case of a restriction of oxygen. "Why?" Because God made us in such a way that we can respond to threatening situations. "Why?" For our own good.

It's much easier to simply reply, "Because I said so."

The problem is that "because I said so" is an unhelpful answer. Expedient, sure. But there is often a much deeper value influencing our response.

When we talk about that value, we change the tone of the conversation. In the example of modesty, if we say, "Boys, put on a button up shirt, we're heading to church," and they ask why, the answer is easy. "Dressing up for church, even a little, shows respect for God." This can launch even deeper conversations. "We want to look nice for church because dressing up reminds us that the Sabbath is a holy day, set apart by God for our benefit." Taking the time to work through this with your kids, and to do the difficult work of teaching such discipline, counts for a lot in the long run. Check out Carol's post Counting on discipline to produce amazing young people!

The kids I am blessed to know today don't have a foundation built upon values. They have "morals" but no moorings. The value of communicating values to your children is that they can see why you make the choices you do. And I pray that, as my wife and I get to hang out with "our kids," we will be able to share our values with them in a way that helps them move forward in strength and dignity.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Pseudo-Dad

P.S. One more thought because I really liked Natalie's post Parents, ask yourself, "Will It Matter in College?" As we look at our values, we may find that some things that don't thrill us (like piercings or blue hair) aren't worth the fight. In fact, it could be that our value is not God-honoring ... like, "What would the people at church think!?" There is much value in thinking about your values.

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...or "Why Considering History is Important"

They show up at my door, the newest edition of their publication in hand. As with every sect or person who's willing to discuss life, the universe, and everything, I welcome them in.

"Isn't it horrible," one of them offers, showing me the magazine heading about the current state of the world, "how things just keep getting worse?"

Worse? Really?

This is a pet peeve of mine and I do my best to keep my excitable nature in check. "I don't think the world's getting any worse. People are still people, in desperate need of Christ, but we're not more evil today than yesterday. I haven't heard about anyone's house getting surrounded by all the men of a city demanding to be let at recently arrived guests. Have you? And even if that were to happen, that's nothing new." (I've blogged about these troubling passages in Scripture before.)

The End Is Nigh

Judy touched on this topic yesterday as she discussed the hard things of life. Things appear more dangerous, more evil, more despicable than ever before! ...or, at the very least, than when we were kids. The tendency to look back and see something better than the present is common. Just one example: Turns out that "kids these days" have always been narcissistic, self-centered, immoral ingrates whose lives are being destroyed by modernity.

The sweet surrender Heather discusses in her recent blog post linked itself to this discussion. She describes the "crossroads of comfort and reality." We have this feeling that we can make things safe, secure, certain.

But we can't.

Lysa Terkeurst's post this morning beautifully echoes Heather's point: God is our refuge and fortress against fear.

The truth is that the world has always been a tenuous place, held together by nothing more than the will of God. And here, in Christ's will, is where we must live.

When we see the youth of today failing to live up to the standard of His perfection, I find it helpful to remember how God's grace and redemption has carried me this far ...and how much further it has to take me yet.

The constant of history is God's loving-kindness in luminous contrast to man's continued failures.

The more we learn of how He has worked in and through and with us, the more we can trust in Him and share the hope we have in Christ with the doomsayers. Our study of history provides us with a clearer understanding of not only the past, but also our future.

The end -- which has been nigh for more than 2,000 years -- looms closer, to be sure. But that's not where I want my gaze to fall. I want to keep my eyes on Christ, following where He leads, and see the people who need His love and hope through His eyes.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Pseudo-Dad

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Hard things . . .

NewsIt seems that of late my phone is constantly alerting me to another disaster or impending doom. Perhaps it's just the combination of Ebola, assisted suicide, the Ferguson killings and the local raid on a meth lab ... or maybe it's just my age showing ... but the world seems a very scary place these days.

I remember when our babies started arriving, and we began planning for their future education, my mom made the passing statement that she was grateful she was not raising children during that time in history. The world, she thought, was a very frightening place to bring up kids. Some 20+ years later those babies are all grown and the first grandbaby has arrived. And I find myself thinking that I am grateful that I am not raising children during this time in history.

Solomon, in all his wisdom, once stated History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new. (Ecclesiastes 1:9) It is good to be reminded that today's horrors are really no different than what Solomon experienced. It is also good to be reminded that homeschooling provides an excellent opportunity to wrestle world events with our children. Some of the most valuable moments in our homeschooling happened around the dinner table as we talked and debated current events and what they meant to us as a family/individuals.

While I don't claim to come close to Solomon in the wisdom department, I do think there is great value in investing time with our students reviewing and discussing what is happening in their world. Math and Science certainly have their place in a school day, but more and more I am convinced that a solid Worldview is going to be vital for our young people facing the future.

Not wanting to end my thoughts on a depressing note, tomorrow I will get to spend the day with my grandson (and his mama) and plan to snuggle him close and be reminded that the Creator who performed the miracle of his birth, is still in the miracle business.

Still on the journey ...
~Judy Wnuk

P.S. - If you're looking for a good Worldview resource, take a moment to look at our 520 World History and Worldview program. It's a great place to start the conversation with your students.

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